Way back when the off-season began, I said that I would fill some of the down time between rumors and transactions with things such as personal stories and maybe even a Top 10 list or two. Well, things have been pretty slow over the last few weeks, so I figured why not put together a list, just for fun. And instead of one of the lists that are common on other websites and TV shows, such as best players, biggest rivalries, best games, best trades, etc., why not do something way off the wall, like:
Top 10 Texas Rangers Mullets!
No, sorry Walker, I should have clarified. I meant Texas Rangers baseball, my bad.
So here's what I put together. Let me first say that this list only includes players from the mid-80's to the present. Before that, most players had long hair anyway, and that would make the list harder to narrow down. The Mullet really started to come on the scene in the 80's anyway, so that's a good starting point. Also, that's when my connection with the team began, which is another good reason to start there.
Another thing I should say is that the pictures displayed do not necessarily illustrate the respective players' mullets at their fullest glory, but are there to just give an example. Take my word for it, these guys are all legitimate contestants. None of them will rival Joe Dirt or Billy Ray Cyrus, but be honest, does anybody?
On with the countdown!
10. Buck Showalter
Buck Showalter begins the list as the lone managerial representative in the category. He's also the only blonde dude on the list. Give the guy credit for hanging on to that remnant of a mullet this long, years after the social acceptability has expired.
9. Kevin Gross
Kevin Gross pitched and also groomed in a way fitting of his name. He was terrible as a starter for Texas, but found some success as a late reliever in 1996. You can barely tell from this picture, but he's got a nice scraggly gotee to go along with the curly mullet flowing from the back of his cap. Kevin Gross has won the same amount of beauty contests as Cy Young Awards.
8. CJ Wilson
Ok, I'll admit that CJ Wilson's inclusion on the list might be a little shaky, but I wanted to include somebody on the current team, and Elvis Andrus' hair is more of a fro-monster than a mullet, so CJ was the default choice. CJ has cleaned up a bit over the last year, but as you can see from the picture above, he's been known to sport the shaggy look as well.
7. Kenny Rogers
When Kenny Rogers came up with the Rangers about 20 years ago as a hard-throwing, late inning reliever, he had to let his mullet grow out to keep people from commenting about his oversized Jay Leno-like chin. Rumor has it, long after the mullet was gone, Kenny Rogers once knocked down a camera man because he wouldn't stop video taping his huge chin. Should've kept the mullet, Mr. Rogers!
6. Jose Canseco
Say what you will about Jose Canseco, but you have to admit the man could grow a mean mane. Apparently a mullet is good for cushioning your head when a ball bounces off of it and over a wall. Scientists are working around the clock trying to find out if performance enhancing drugs also affect mullet growth potential.
5. Rafael Palmeiro
During his first stint with the Rangers, Rafael Palmeiro had some stiff competition in the mullet category, but he cracks the top five. Latin players like the Cuban Palmeiro had a special gift in being able to combine the mullet with a mustache. That look didn't quite have the same charm on white dudes.
4. Mitch Williams
No mullet list would be complete without including the great Mitch Williams. Williams rocked a pretty good mullet in his short time with Texas, but really put himself in the Mullet Hall of Fame with the Phillies. However, Joe Carter was not impressed.
3. Julio Franco
For much of Julio Franco's time with Texas he had a short hair cut, but early on the curly mullet was displayed with much glory. Franco was a batting champion and an All-Star Game MVP with the Rangers. One thing that is interesting about Franco is that nobody knows for sure how old he is due to less than accurate paperwork and birth records. The league once threatened to cut him in half and count the rings to determine his age, but the players union put a stop to it. Apparently, they decided to just cut his mullet instead as a compromise. What a shame.
2. Bobby Witt
Sporting a classic, if not a bit short, mullet is Bobby Witt. Hard to top the clean shaven sideburns and mudflap look. That's good enough to earn himself the runner-up spot on this countdown, but not good enough to beat out...
1. Juan Gonzalez
Juan Gonzalez had such an awesome mullet, they made a baseball card of him pointing to it. And what looks to be eye-black on his face is actually mullet grease residue left over from tightening up the curl in his marvelous mop. No Ranger ever rocked the mullet better than Juando. Like Palmeiro and Franco, he teamed up his mullet with the mustache and won two MVP awards in the process. After he cut his hair, much like Samson, his powers drained, he was injured often, and his career limped to a disappointing end. One can only wonder what might have been if he had just kept the mullet that brought him such success.
This concludes our first Top 10 countdown on Shaggin' Flies. Got any arguements with the rankings? I want to know about it! Did I forget somebody and you have a picture to prove it? I want to see it! Until then, I hope you enjoyed the Top 10 Texas Rangers Mullets.
Hilarious!!! So glad you posted this!
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